He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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