i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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