paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
