Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize