I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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