I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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