I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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