i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
