youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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