So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
