i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
