Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
