That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
