whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
