don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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