Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
