My sheets look like a crime scene.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
