Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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