so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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