People in love make me want to vomit
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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