im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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