Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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