I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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