I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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