Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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