I cockslap morals
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
