You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
