just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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