i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
