It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The adults are the big ones right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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