"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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