oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
