They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
