If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
