Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize