Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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