I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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