is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
