we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
