with your own penis?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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