guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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