Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I can't watch pbs sober anymore

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(360): View more from Washington

afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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(585): View more from New York

when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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(919): View more from North Carolina

you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe

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(863): View more from Florida

The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.

(352): View more from Florida

Worth it.

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(646): View more from New York

Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast

(646): View more from New York

But I am godly

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