Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
