2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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