Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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