ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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