After last night, I could never be a politician.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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