I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
