Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
