it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
