All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize