I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
