Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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