Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
