i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
