something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
