You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
