lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
