My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
