he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
