I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
