THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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