I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
