Umm I'm too high to move.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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