About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
