found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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