There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
