somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
