The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
