i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
