Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need to stop coming to work sober
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
