We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize