her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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