I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
