The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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