i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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