i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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