Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
