goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
