I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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