I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...so i touched it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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