And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
