dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he fucked my hip out of place.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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