Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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