He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
organizing the empties. That sober.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
