Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
