plz talk dirty to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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