my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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