please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
