I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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