forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize