You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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