What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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