I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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