why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
