I wish I could punch you in the face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
