please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
pray to the hookup gods
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
