You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
