But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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