I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
